First note: THANK YOU for your positive responses to the first part of the story. I actually thought that, after reading it over the first time, it was too boring for my blog :P.
Second note: I SWEAR I will get back to putting up posts on new music and old math soon enough. Just bear with me a lil' bit as I take a side journey into funny storytelling land.
Third note: I also promise that I will a) get my guest posts done (even if it takes me until summer!) and b) recognize and respond to all the memes/awards that have been sent my way. Keep the blog love strong.
Alright, so back to your regular programming. Where was I? Oh yes, end of the first night.
I wish I could say that Bright took over every one of my thoughts and dreams after that night, but I have to be honest with you. Nope. She was a drop in the ocean of new people that I kept meeting every day at college. I barely could keep track of them all, regardless of their physical beauty. I even would forget the names of my three roommates on occasion. I can blame alcohol but I think my general distracted-ness is to blame.
Fast forward a week after that first night to one of those "freshmen only" social events. This is generally a social meeting of some sort attempting to get more freshmen to meet one another and promote "class unity". Lured by the offer of free dinner, and free food usually can get me to do many many things, I was present at said event. The buffet table was already swarmed by a tremendously long line that immediately damped my enthusiasm for any type of class love. Bitches were taking my food...I didn't want to be friends with people who took my food. Yet I wasn't to walk all the way back to my dorm without a full stomach so I just planted myself at the back of the line. While I was conversing with my grumbling stomach, telling it to "chill out" and it telling me to "STFU You", I felt a tap on my shoulder.
"Hey! Remember me?"
Ummm sorry, I feel really bad
"Riooooo, you were supposed to teach me how to dance. Like an engineer! Remember now?"
Holy crap, BRIGHT! How you been?
"Pretty awful, considering you didn't remember me!" (fake yet sexy scowl)
As we were catching up, I was beating myself up in my mind. Picture a bear mauling anything not bear-like - with blood, intestines, and people screaming everywhere. That was pretty much what my penis what was doing to my memory, with the promise of a "hell you don't even dare imagine" if this slip-up in face-name recognition cost me bed time with Bright. Again, I was hoping that my charm was in the "on" position or that it existed in the first place.
"I had lots of fun that one night, we should hang out again"
Where did you go? I mean, we got a little worried about where you girls had gone.
"OMG! I am SO sorry about that! [her third friend] had found a guy that she knew with weed, and we got like totally high...we completely forgot about you guys"
No shame, I got SR home okay so it wasn't a problem at all.
"I hear about that, that was really nice of you. Most guys would have tried to pull a move on some girl they walked home."
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
You Can Touch But You Can't Taste (Part One)
I have a strange sensation every time I try to write a story that is has a sexual foundation. Plainly speaking, I just can't find the words to write it down. Where to start? What to include? Even the most basic requirements become mind-boggling...level of detail, renaming people, and even the basic time line of the story. But enough with the excuses, I want to y'all a story involving a girl and I will - writing standards be damned.
This story begins, as most college ones do, at a kegger. Second month of freshman year, and I was running back and forth all over campus. Every backyard and basement like exactly like the one before, so the location of the party/kegger/get-together was of little importance. All that mattered was that I drink, "socialize", and go home with a good-looking young lady by the end of the night.
One night, I followed my friend Del to yet another frat party - this one was an outdoor concert featuring a mostly drunk and mostly mediocre up-and-coming student rock band. I left for the bathroom and on my return found Del talking to three girls. One of these girls was her. I took so much time trying to find other names for her, but when I was typing my final selection, a much better fitting name took its place. Her name was Bright Eyes.
At first glance, I didn't see anything out of the ordinary. Then I got up close to her. Whoa. Just...wow. She was of average height, somewhat curvy, with curly dirty blond hair. But it was her face that stole the show. As her faux name suggests, she had the biggest, brightest, and clearest green eyes I had ever seen. You know how they say you look at someone and fall into their gaze? I felt that but I didn't just fall, I plummeted head-first. To top it off, she had a smile that was both cute and sexy. I know that description fails in so many ways, but I struggle to put what I saw into words. Her smile was both inviting and shy, a good girl and a naughty vixen delicately mixed into one individual. Naturally, I was immediately at attention (not down there, fortunately) and ready to make some conversation. I introduced myself.
Hi, I'm Andres, you can call me Rio though
"Hi Rio. I like that name. I must be special then, to be able to call you that?" (cute grin!)
Not that special, I am just nice every once in a while (makes this face :P)
"Haha. You don't seem like a jerk to me"
Andddd we were off. Words were exchanged and so were smiles. I have completely skipped over my forced personal transformation and my elaborate montage of how I tried to learn how to flirt. Let's just say I was in the beginning stages of my practice. So yes, I was scared shitless of what I could say to her or how I should say it. Thankfully, cheap beer and a frightful concoction of so-called "jungle juice" does wonders for human interaction, particularly with attractive females. I wondered if I was doing well. Then I got some confirmation to that question.
"Hey, do you want me to get you a drink?"
Oh! Sure, I mean if that isn't much of a problem...
"They give jungle juice quicker to girls so I'll just grab two and bring them back for us!"
I was, to be cliche, over the moon. One of the cardinal rules of flirting that had been hammered into my head was this: if she does something, anything, that requires her going out of her way to do, she is into you. YES. She was getting ME a drink. Who said the guy had to go suffer through the long lines and plead with the frat brother tending the bar to hand over two drinks? Plus, she had just asked me! There was no concern for my friend or her two friends, just a clear obvious focus on yours truly. But then Del leaned over to get in a word.
"Dude, what are you doing?"
What?
"I was talking to her before you arrived, you are totally cockblocking me man. Not cool."
(mental record stops - rrreeewwwrrrrtt)
Wait, really? Had he been talking to her? I mean, I thought he was focusing his attention on the other two friends, who weren't bad looking themselves either. It was time for a decision, the girl or the friend. Del had been the very first guy that I had met moving in. He was the first one to join me in finding parties and also the first one to send me a 3am "where the fuck are you? get over to this party" text. He was a bro, one of the best.
Should I leave her? But...what if Del gets with her? Doesn't that mean I can't later on? I was confused and bewildered but I made up my mind right then. I liked Del as my friend and I want to keep being friends. And no girl was going to get between that - which was what I thought at that moment. I wanted close friends and this wasn't the moment to be letting them go.
Ok, fine. You talk to her. I'll try to hit on one of her friends
"We cool man? I am just saying, I don't mean anything by it.."
Yea we are cool, "bros over hoes" right?
"For sure, you're the man"
With this tag team switch I immediately blocked any further thoughts of interacting with Bright. She came back with our drinks and I thanked her for her efforts. Taking my drink in hand, I turned to attempt to chat with her friends. She made a few attempts to come into the conversation, but then gave up to focus more on whatever Del was trying to say. I found that her friend SR (which is short for Spanish Russian :D) was very cute and friendly, the bubbly type of girl one finds most often among the freshman class. Pretty soon, the party got broken up and our group of five went in search of greener pastures of partying.
Walking around, we eventually found the "baseball house" the place, where I may assume, that the college baseball team lived off-campus and frequently threw parties. The house was dark, noisy, and most of all - swarmed with tall athletic looking dudes. This was not looking good for Del and I. Freshmen guys tend to have to fight an uphill battle to get laid, and more so here in the sports team environment. These guys were built, it was their house, and they were all upperclassmen so it seemed very likely that the girls had more options on the table than we did. Multiplying our efforts, we attempted to be every bit witty, sarcastic, amusing, and overall attractive to the girls.
Bright: "My friend and I have to go to the bathroom, wait for us okay?"
Del: "Cool, we'll wait"
And wait we did. 10 minutes...20 minutes...half an hour...how long did these girls need to go to the bathroom? Del attempted to climb the stairs to the 2nd floor where they had gone to the bathroom, only to be blocked by a much bigger and much drunker baseball team resident. SR tried texting her friends over and over again, but to no avail. Del refused to give up. But SR was getting sleepy and she insisted that she wanted to go home. I volunteered to walk her back to her dorm, and Del insisted that he would wait for Bright and the third friend. I didn't know if sex or concern was motivating him (probably a combination of both) but I told him to keep me in the loop if he were to run into any problems.
I dropped SR off at her dorm, which got me a kiss on the cheek and a "you are very sweet". Not a very successful night but I shrugged it off. I texted Del to check on the status. Status - he was still waiting. I chalked one point up for Team "Girls that Run Away from Funny Cool Guys to Hook Up with Athletic Jocks" and told him good night.
Yet, as you may guess from the blog post's title, this was not the last time I would see Bright. In fact, it would not be the last time Del would have a pivotal role in my pursuits for her. I will continue the rest of the story soon enough.
This story begins, as most college ones do, at a kegger. Second month of freshman year, and I was running back and forth all over campus. Every backyard and basement like exactly like the one before, so the location of the party/kegger/get-together was of little importance. All that mattered was that I drink, "socialize", and go home with a good-looking young lady by the end of the night.
One night, I followed my friend Del to yet another frat party - this one was an outdoor concert featuring a mostly drunk and mostly mediocre up-and-coming student rock band. I left for the bathroom and on my return found Del talking to three girls. One of these girls was her. I took so much time trying to find other names for her, but when I was typing my final selection, a much better fitting name took its place. Her name was Bright Eyes.
At first glance, I didn't see anything out of the ordinary. Then I got up close to her. Whoa. Just...wow. She was of average height, somewhat curvy, with curly dirty blond hair. But it was her face that stole the show. As her faux name suggests, she had the biggest, brightest, and clearest green eyes I had ever seen. You know how they say you look at someone and fall into their gaze? I felt that but I didn't just fall, I plummeted head-first. To top it off, she had a smile that was both cute and sexy. I know that description fails in so many ways, but I struggle to put what I saw into words. Her smile was both inviting and shy, a good girl and a naughty vixen delicately mixed into one individual. Naturally, I was immediately at attention (not down there, fortunately) and ready to make some conversation. I introduced myself.
Hi, I'm Andres, you can call me Rio though
"Hi Rio. I like that name. I must be special then, to be able to call you that?" (cute grin!)
Not that special, I am just nice every once in a while (makes this face :P)
"Haha. You don't seem like a jerk to me"
Andddd we were off. Words were exchanged and so were smiles. I have completely skipped over my forced personal transformation and my elaborate montage of how I tried to learn how to flirt. Let's just say I was in the beginning stages of my practice. So yes, I was scared shitless of what I could say to her or how I should say it. Thankfully, cheap beer and a frightful concoction of so-called "jungle juice" does wonders for human interaction, particularly with attractive females. I wondered if I was doing well. Then I got some confirmation to that question.
"Hey, do you want me to get you a drink?"
Oh! Sure, I mean if that isn't much of a problem...
"They give jungle juice quicker to girls so I'll just grab two and bring them back for us!"
I was, to be cliche, over the moon. One of the cardinal rules of flirting that had been hammered into my head was this: if she does something, anything, that requires her going out of her way to do, she is into you. YES. She was getting ME a drink. Who said the guy had to go suffer through the long lines and plead with the frat brother tending the bar to hand over two drinks? Plus, she had just asked me! There was no concern for my friend or her two friends, just a clear obvious focus on yours truly. But then Del leaned over to get in a word.
"Dude, what are you doing?"
What?
"I was talking to her before you arrived, you are totally cockblocking me man. Not cool."
(mental record stops - rrreeewwwrrrrtt)
Wait, really? Had he been talking to her? I mean, I thought he was focusing his attention on the other two friends, who weren't bad looking themselves either. It was time for a decision, the girl or the friend. Del had been the very first guy that I had met moving in. He was the first one to join me in finding parties and also the first one to send me a 3am "where the fuck are you? get over to this party" text. He was a bro, one of the best.
Should I leave her? But...what if Del gets with her? Doesn't that mean I can't later on? I was confused and bewildered but I made up my mind right then. I liked Del as my friend and I want to keep being friends. And no girl was going to get between that - which was what I thought at that moment. I wanted close friends and this wasn't the moment to be letting them go.
Ok, fine. You talk to her. I'll try to hit on one of her friends
"We cool man? I am just saying, I don't mean anything by it.."
Yea we are cool, "bros over hoes" right?
"For sure, you're the man"
With this tag team switch I immediately blocked any further thoughts of interacting with Bright. She came back with our drinks and I thanked her for her efforts. Taking my drink in hand, I turned to attempt to chat with her friends. She made a few attempts to come into the conversation, but then gave up to focus more on whatever Del was trying to say. I found that her friend SR (which is short for Spanish Russian :D) was very cute and friendly, the bubbly type of girl one finds most often among the freshman class. Pretty soon, the party got broken up and our group of five went in search of greener pastures of partying.
Walking around, we eventually found the "baseball house" the place, where I may assume, that the college baseball team lived off-campus and frequently threw parties. The house was dark, noisy, and most of all - swarmed with tall athletic looking dudes. This was not looking good for Del and I. Freshmen guys tend to have to fight an uphill battle to get laid, and more so here in the sports team environment. These guys were built, it was their house, and they were all upperclassmen so it seemed very likely that the girls had more options on the table than we did. Multiplying our efforts, we attempted to be every bit witty, sarcastic, amusing, and overall attractive to the girls.
Bright: "My friend and I have to go to the bathroom, wait for us okay?"
Del: "Cool, we'll wait"
And wait we did. 10 minutes...20 minutes...half an hour...how long did these girls need to go to the bathroom? Del attempted to climb the stairs to the 2nd floor where they had gone to the bathroom, only to be blocked by a much bigger and much drunker baseball team resident. SR tried texting her friends over and over again, but to no avail. Del refused to give up. But SR was getting sleepy and she insisted that she wanted to go home. I volunteered to walk her back to her dorm, and Del insisted that he would wait for Bright and the third friend. I didn't know if sex or concern was motivating him (probably a combination of both) but I told him to keep me in the loop if he were to run into any problems.
I dropped SR off at her dorm, which got me a kiss on the cheek and a "you are very sweet". Not a very successful night but I shrugged it off. I texted Del to check on the status. Status - he was still waiting. I chalked one point up for Team "Girls that Run Away from Funny Cool Guys to Hook Up with Athletic Jocks" and told him good night.
Yet, as you may guess from the blog post's title, this was not the last time I would see Bright. In fact, it would not be the last time Del would have a pivotal role in my pursuits for her. I will continue the rest of the story soon enough.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Pour a Shot of Blog, Chase with Some Singing (KBROD March)
It is that magical time of the month again, and this event has nothing to do with being baby-free. The Karaoke Blog Ring of Death reforms once again to bring you a fresh selection of songs and bloggers, with absolutely no tampon required. March's theme is alcohol and the implications brought on by such drinks in celebration of St. Patty's Day and March Madness. As if each blogger's crazy antics weren't enough, we are going to add booze to the mix. Our viewers have asked for more, and by Elvis's ghost and Michael Jackson's zombie (too soon?), everyone has delivered. One person in particular. That would be the gnarly bitchin' Ginny from Ginntastic. I would suggest that readers should pace themselves, and not take too much too quickly but I realize...what is the fun in that? Chug it down folks, and enjoy Ginny's performance in the KaraokeSphere. Here's Ginny:
Hello Rio's lovely readers. I'm back for karaoke again. I planned on singing a different song but things happened (ok wine happened) and the plans changed. I'm sure you all know this song and it mentions drinking so it totally counts.
Thanks for hosting Rio!
Keep on drink'n on my fine karaoke singing friends.
You say you want more? I hope you have a high tolerance (had to make that pun in here somewhere) so you can watch my vids. Head on over to Lorn's blog Czech You Later to see my alcohol-loving karaoke.
Hello Rio's lovely readers. I'm back for karaoke again. I planned on singing a different song but things happened (ok wine happened) and the plans changed. I'm sure you all know this song and it mentions drinking so it totally counts.
Thanks for hosting Rio!
Keep on drink'n on my fine karaoke singing friends.
You say you want more? I hope you have a high tolerance (had to make that pun in here somewhere) so you can watch my vids. Head on over to Lorn's blog Czech You Later to see my alcohol-loving karaoke.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Let's Put Some Kiwi (Karaoke) In You - KBROD March
This February, month of couples and singletons alike, we at the Karaoke Blog Ring of Death have brought you a special treat. Not only have we gained tons of new members for you to check out and fantasize over, but we had a double theme. In recognition of St. Valentine's day and all that love/romance mess, this month's theme was Love versus Anti-love Songs. Got you all excited down in the pants doesn't it?
To make things even better, because indeed it can get even better, I get to host Neal/Lost from You Know What Really Grinds My Gears...! Of course, of course, I realize the obvious. Yes, he is a Kiwi (from New Zealand), yes he has that accent and I know all you girls are secretly touching yourself when he sings. Or openly, whatever floats your boat and feeds your goat. I must admit that I am a tad bit jealous but he is my bro, so therefore I will be a supportive wingman. I will tell you that he is sex-ay, has god-like powers in the sack, and there is definitely enough of him to go around for every blogging female.
Here is his video, singing If You are Into It by The Flight of the Conchords. A great artist choice and a fun rendition, that's what this karaoke ring is all about. You should savor this moment, because it's his last month for a while. Give a good farewell folks, and comment down below!
Care to see my videos? Really? Well then, you can go over to Lana's (Nuggles's) blog at That Ain't Kosher. Let me know what you thought of my attempts at stardom haha :P
To make things even better, because indeed it can get even better, I get to host Neal/Lost from You Know What Really Grinds My Gears...! Of course, of course, I realize the obvious. Yes, he is a Kiwi (from New Zealand), yes he has that accent and I know all you girls are secretly touching yourself when he sings. Or openly, whatever floats your boat and feeds your goat. I must admit that I am a tad bit jealous but he is my bro, so therefore I will be a supportive wingman. I will tell you that he is sex-ay, has god-like powers in the sack, and there is definitely enough of him to go around for every blogging female.
Here is his video, singing If You are Into It by The Flight of the Conchords. A great artist choice and a fun rendition, that's what this karaoke ring is all about. You should savor this moment, because it's his last month for a while. Give a good farewell folks, and comment down below!
Care to see my videos? Really? Well then, you can go over to Lana's (Nuggles's) blog at That Ain't Kosher. Let me know what you thought of my attempts at stardom haha :P
Friday, January 14, 2011
Bringing Sexy (Science) Back
It seems to me that the main factor in casting television shows these days is attractiveness. Turn on your TV and it is sex this, romance that, love interest here, cheating there, oh no's, uh-oh's, and hell no's. Viewers worry about the storyline sure, but sometimes they are more preoccupied with who is with which character and where, how, how often are they doing it. There is sex and attractive people everywhere, in every field. There are all the television hospitals with their doctors all eyeing each other and feeling each other up (ER, General Hospital, House, Grey's Anatomy). Then you have the lawyers who defend the innocent, take down the corrupt, and establish courtroom sexual tension (the Law & Order franchise, Damages, The Deep End). Cop shows are a standard for any television network and the fighting crime has never looked so good! (Blue Bloods, Southland, the CSI's).
Now you are probably asking yourself, "why are you doing a full recap of all the shows that are on TV, Rio? I have TV Guide for that kind of crap." True enough, any cheap ass entertainment magazine from the gum rack could provide you with enough eye candy and spoilers to last you a lifetime. My point is...where are my engineers? All the playas doing the Gauss, the Newton, and the Heaviside? Sure, a writer gets his own series (Californication) and of course high school teachers are the highlight of 2010 (Glee). Furthermore, even the freakin' mathematicians have a show dedicated to their exploits (Numb3rs). But the guy who designs car engines? Nope. How about the people who design skyscrapers? Nada. Clearly, the sexiness has left the engineering laboratory. But I am here to bring. it. back.
All hope has not been lost. Creating a sexy engineering show should not be that hard. We used to have MacGyver, so it is simply a case of cutting off the mullet, losing the vest, and putting on a suit...right? At this present time and day, our main representation is Howard Wolowitz, who is an aerospace engineer on this lil' old show that you may not have heard of, The Big Bang Theory. Yes indeed, the guy believes himself to be a ladies' man AND still lives with his mom is the engineer on prime time television. Take a look for yourself:
Oh yea, take a good look at that sexiness. All right, all things considered, Wolowitz is not too bad. There are a few good quotes here and there:
"I'm a horny engineer...I never joke about math or sex" (Can't say I do the same)
"I was once robbed by a pre-op transsexual on J-Date and that didn't even crack my top ten."
"Women, huh? Can't live with 'em; can't successfully refute their hypotheses." (AMEN brother)
It's time for some new blood, some new additions to the main roster of the small screen. A script needs to be written, and this baby should bring out the sexiest parts of engineering, machine lubricant not included. Ideally it would include a mixed cast of attractive guy and girl engineers, a bagful of suspense and drama, and a topping of action. Screenwriters should also look to include a heavy dose of sexual tension between the cast members, and a very high sex appeal for the very fact that these people are the very embodiment of science. They can build shit, and are not afraid to use heavy machinery. Lab coats and calculators will not be looked at the same after all of this.
Hollywood, if you are reading this, take note and give me my creator's credit. There is a whole revolution of attractive smartness about to happen. I am just the messenger of this new movement, but I would not mind being the face (blogger?) of your new engineering shows. Get the science out there, and make it wild.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
The Manliest Man
Lately there has been a discussion about guy and girl bloggers, and which gender is more followed. Not surprisingly, nearly everyone has agreed that girls are on top, and that their blogs are much more popular than your typical guy blog. So we, as males, have not necessarily been feeling the love. Some common complaints were that guy content was so-called boring and unfamiliar. This then made me think about various “manly” topics up in my head, and I decide to write (type) down a few of these testosterone-bathed ideas. These are some manly things for you to think about:
Sex
Unavoidable, obviously. Penis. Vagina. Sex. Lots of it. If there were a day that, I could claim, that this subject doesn't cross my mind, I am blatantly undeniably lying. Of course, this topic covers a wide variety of conversations. You could talk about porn, whacking it, blowing it, sucking it, etc., etc., but most of all, it is the fact that you had sex. And the hilarity and unbelievable events that lead up to, occur during, and after the act itself, like when the Danaconda gets some. I think the Lonely Island and Akon put it very well also. Even if there is a paper bag involved, it still counts!
Meat
Meat, meat, meat, meat, me-me-meat. Carnivores, unite, and bring your beef, pork, veal, turkey, partridge, and chicken over to my home. Vegetarians, respect and love, but I can't live without my piece of marinated, broiled, grilled, or barbecued piece of deliciousness. I'm so so sorry animal-loving guys and girls.(Not really, but I feel nice for once) Its not easy being a Grill Master either, you have to learn the secrets of the meat arts, creating the sauce to marinate in, choosing the right grill, and of course, how to perform the cuts. Now, I am not saying you have to eat meat to be friends with me, but damn it sure does help our relationship.
T or A
Ah yes, the eternal debate started from the beginning of mankind. Coke or Pepsi? IPhone or Blackberry? Tits or ass? How to decide...how to delegate a superior importance to one part of the female anatomy? On the one hand, the girls are hard to ignore since your eyes are magnetically being pulled down to the chest area of her figure. Pick your head up dude, you are kind of obvious, and close your mouth. Jeez. On the other, did you just see her walk by in those tight jeans? By all things that are holy in this world, how does it get so big? And round? And bouncy? Put that thing away please, I can't focus on my driving/flying/operating heavy machinery. I'm going to presume that everyone from the Mesopotamians up to the Romans put their finest philosophers on this discussion and even they could only come up with what is now the Hot or Not websites.
Sports
FOOTTBBALLLLLLL. BASEBALLLLL. BASKETBALLLL. SOCCERRRR (fútbol) Among other stuff typically in a guy's mind is "how is the game going?" and "I wonder what the score is". Now, I have never considered myself a guy's guy, but more like a nerdy guy's guy. The nerdy guy who knows about technology, science, video games, and not so much on the sports side of things. Yet, somehow or another, I get sucked into watching and following sports regardless. I am somewhere in between the dude that knows nothing about the rules and asks the annoying questions and the die-hard asshole of a fan that knows all the names, the scores of the games, and the 100+ years of history that the team has. So maybe according to "sports fans" out there, I am not true fan yet, but I want to spare myself the effort of learning everything related to one team. This blog does help out though. But I do have my teams. I am a Yankees fan (yes, yes, you can shut up now...haters), a Phillies fan, and a Barcelona fan. I have started liking the Eagles since they picked up Michael Vick and gave him another chance. But that's it though. I have science as my competitive sport. COMPUTERSSSS AND GRAPHING CALCULATORSSS. So fucking intense I tell you.
How do these above mentioned topics compare to your typical "omg he's so cute" post and your "wear this, not this, this season" entry? Clearly, you want to hear me debate some other girl's posterior versus her might-not-be-natural-but-thats-okay chest region. I think you just have to have an open mind. I listen to you talk about your prospects for love, and you hear me talk about how much I love T-bone steak. It's give and take ladies, give and take. In the meantime, of course I will comment on your searches for happiness and make fun of you for trying to write (yet again) about your wardrobe.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Hello I Think You're Hot, Won't You Tell Me Your Name?
Dear Sexy Senorita,
Hello, how are you? I am good myself thanks. You might know me as the guy who passes you on Mondays and Tuesdays. Dark hair? Dreamy eyes? Dashing smile? No? Okay then, I'll explain. As I walk to my last class on Tuesday afternoon, we cross paths behind the Art Museum. Every Monday, I go to my review session at 1 and you have class (I'm assuming it is a class) in the same hall at that same time.
The first time we crossed paths and locked eyes, you caught my attention. You are, in a word, hot. Not in the temperature, "are you sick?" sense, but in the way that I want to spell the word h-a-w-t. Now a whole semester has passed, and we have passed each other a number of times. My visual opinion of you has not changed. I think 5 out of 5 dentists would agree with me that you are very attractive.
You are usually wearing some article of clothing related to the fact that you are in a sorority and not to enforce certain stereotypes, I am not surprised you are in one. You carry yourself with the air of one that knows she is control, in demand, and on top. I know you might be wondering why I am writing this letter to you. No, this is not one of those creepy "I'm obsessed with you" kind of letters, but rather it is an explanation to both you and myself. You see, I am sure we could have plenty to talk about. So you are saying to yourself, "why didn't he come up, say hi, and introduce himself?".
The simple honest truth is that I am too busy. I am too concerned with other things not relating to females, dating, or sex. Surprising I know, considering I just admitted to the whole internet that I want to be on top of you. Or in any position really, I have an open mind and enjoy trying out new things in the bedroom. This would certainly have not been the case one year ago.
Back then, I would have dropped everything and strolled over with a smile and a twinkle in my eye. Do you like a guy that listens to you, teases you, takes you out to dinner? A singer and guy that knows how strut his stuff on the dance floor? That's what I thought. I would have charmed you into my bed and out of those panties before the words "can I come over?" would have been out of your mouth. And I know that you probably had lots of guys brag about how they would rock your world, but they wouldn't have held a candle to the night we would have spent. The kissing, the touching, the pleasure filled moaning would fill the room as our bodies collide, our embraces tighten, and our passion explodes into not one, but multiple orgasms. Once you were back in your own room, you would remember and relive the memories, leaving you breathless and delighted.
While this all sounds incredible, we probably are better off the way things are now. I am not that guy anymore. My passion is real and my skills are still intact, but my desires for life are different. I am looking beyond the one-night stand or the occasional hookup buddy. I am looking for success, for glory, for that personal satisfaction that comes from a man that runs his life, owns his world, and demands what he is worth. So yes, I am looking for a relationship before my next sexual adventure. I am not denying the possibility of future hookups or one-night stands, but I am sure that the next time I get naked with a woman it won't be the last time and I will feel something in my heart for her.
But anyone in college can tell you that there is so much to do and so little time. I take a full engineering course load, I work, and I commute back and forth from home. My mind is generally full of phasors, Butterworth low-pass filters, and turbine entropy generation, not on how I would delight you with my tongue. I worry greatly about Matlab, the GRE, and how to calculate the fourier transforms of my signals, and oh so very little on foreplay. Should you get to know me, and get to like me, you would not get the full me. You would be buying yourself a one-way ticket to Sexually Frustrated and I would be doing myself a huge disservice by not giving you all the attention you merit. Maybe there are ways to balance my academic life with your loving, but my coordination is fragile. I am holding it all together; my jobs, my classes, and my family obligations on a single thread where one bad day seems to throw my life completely off track. In the near future, my love will be available again, but for now, it is out of stock. So while you might be Miss Right, unfortunately you can't be Miss Right Now.
You might say if I won't hook up with you, or date you, maybe we could be friends? Maybe, but not likely. This whole letter is based on a large assumption of your personality. Maybe I wouldn't be able to stand you, and maybe you wouldn't be able to relate to me. It happens. And even if our personalities meshed, I am not a fan of having a girl you have the hots for as a close friend. It is a recipe for disaster. If you are not busy being jealous, then you are trying to separate your sincere friendship from your lustful thoughts. Careful with those Freudian slips, because they reveal the real reason you are always hanging out in her room. With your kind of hotness, caution is not only recommended but necessary.
That's leaves us back to where we started. You and I walk by each together, match stares, and smile. Two strangers on different paths for the time being. Maybe next time I'll throw in a "Hi" for you. Maybe. I hope you have a nice class and a good Christmas break. If we ever run into each other in the future, I know things will be different. Until then, you'll just have have to do with less-than-spectacular sex and guys that are close to, but still aren't, me.
With well-meaning but somewhat dirty wishes,
Rio
A shout-out to my first 4 followers, thanks so much for your support! Much love to Penny Lane, Andy, Dominick Mills, and ryepdx.
Hello, how are you? I am good myself thanks. You might know me as the guy who passes you on Mondays and Tuesdays. Dark hair? Dreamy eyes? Dashing smile? No? Okay then, I'll explain. As I walk to my last class on Tuesday afternoon, we cross paths behind the Art Museum. Every Monday, I go to my review session at 1 and you have class (I'm assuming it is a class) in the same hall at that same time.
The first time we crossed paths and locked eyes, you caught my attention. You are, in a word, hot. Not in the temperature, "are you sick?" sense, but in the way that I want to spell the word h-a-w-t. Now a whole semester has passed, and we have passed each other a number of times. My visual opinion of you has not changed. I think 5 out of 5 dentists would agree with me that you are very attractive.
You are usually wearing some article of clothing related to the fact that you are in a sorority and not to enforce certain stereotypes, I am not surprised you are in one. You carry yourself with the air of one that knows she is control, in demand, and on top. I know you might be wondering why I am writing this letter to you. No, this is not one of those creepy "I'm obsessed with you" kind of letters, but rather it is an explanation to both you and myself. You see, I am sure we could have plenty to talk about. So you are saying to yourself, "why didn't he come up, say hi, and introduce himself?".
The simple honest truth is that I am too busy. I am too concerned with other things not relating to females, dating, or sex. Surprising I know, considering I just admitted to the whole internet that I want to be on top of you. Or in any position really, I have an open mind and enjoy trying out new things in the bedroom. This would certainly have not been the case one year ago.
Back then, I would have dropped everything and strolled over with a smile and a twinkle in my eye. Do you like a guy that listens to you, teases you, takes you out to dinner? A singer and guy that knows how strut his stuff on the dance floor? That's what I thought. I would have charmed you into my bed and out of those panties before the words "can I come over?" would have been out of your mouth. And I know that you probably had lots of guys brag about how they would rock your world, but they wouldn't have held a candle to the night we would have spent. The kissing, the touching, the pleasure filled moaning would fill the room as our bodies collide, our embraces tighten, and our passion explodes into not one, but multiple orgasms. Once you were back in your own room, you would remember and relive the memories, leaving you breathless and delighted.
While this all sounds incredible, we probably are better off the way things are now. I am not that guy anymore. My passion is real and my skills are still intact, but my desires for life are different. I am looking beyond the one-night stand or the occasional hookup buddy. I am looking for success, for glory, for that personal satisfaction that comes from a man that runs his life, owns his world, and demands what he is worth. So yes, I am looking for a relationship before my next sexual adventure. I am not denying the possibility of future hookups or one-night stands, but I am sure that the next time I get naked with a woman it won't be the last time and I will feel something in my heart for her.
But anyone in college can tell you that there is so much to do and so little time. I take a full engineering course load, I work, and I commute back and forth from home. My mind is generally full of phasors, Butterworth low-pass filters, and turbine entropy generation, not on how I would delight you with my tongue. I worry greatly about Matlab, the GRE, and how to calculate the fourier transforms of my signals, and oh so very little on foreplay. Should you get to know me, and get to like me, you would not get the full me. You would be buying yourself a one-way ticket to Sexually Frustrated and I would be doing myself a huge disservice by not giving you all the attention you merit. Maybe there are ways to balance my academic life with your loving, but my coordination is fragile. I am holding it all together; my jobs, my classes, and my family obligations on a single thread where one bad day seems to throw my life completely off track. In the near future, my love will be available again, but for now, it is out of stock. So while you might be Miss Right, unfortunately you can't be Miss Right Now.
You might say if I won't hook up with you, or date you, maybe we could be friends? Maybe, but not likely. This whole letter is based on a large assumption of your personality. Maybe I wouldn't be able to stand you, and maybe you wouldn't be able to relate to me. It happens. And even if our personalities meshed, I am not a fan of having a girl you have the hots for as a close friend. It is a recipe for disaster. If you are not busy being jealous, then you are trying to separate your sincere friendship from your lustful thoughts. Careful with those Freudian slips, because they reveal the real reason you are always hanging out in her room. With your kind of hotness, caution is not only recommended but necessary.
That's leaves us back to where we started. You and I walk by each together, match stares, and smile. Two strangers on different paths for the time being. Maybe next time I'll throw in a "Hi" for you. Maybe. I hope you have a nice class and a good Christmas break. If we ever run into each other in the future, I know things will be different. Until then, you'll just have have to do with less-than-spectacular sex and guys that are close to, but still aren't, me.
With well-meaning but somewhat dirty wishes,
Rio
A shout-out to my first 4 followers, thanks so much for your support! Much love to Penny Lane, Andy, Dominick Mills, and ryepdx.
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