Peek-a-boo

I shouldn't be here right now. Yes, this is still my blog and yes I am alive, thanks for asking. I only have a limited amount of time before the Study Demons catch up and force me back into hiding. If you are wondering why I personified my work load, fuck that and go with it for the time being. 


The main reasons I have popped out of my seclusion are a) to answer some random-ass questions left to me by a fellow blogger, the crazy and always interesting Erin from The Post Modern Talko, and to finally review several artists and albums on my blog post queue. 

Back In Black

I'm back.
AC/DC knows what I am talking about. 

I'M BAAAACCCKKKKKKKKK
Miss me?
I'll let you catch your breath in the clear state of shock that you may be experiencing right now. 


So here we are again.  I know, I know, this blog has been lonely and desolate for the past X amount of months. I refuse to define what X equals but I think we all know that it has been a significant amount of time. What has been up with me? School. Of course you knew that. When is it any different?

It's All About...SHELLY! - The August Movie Review

Hey, it is SMAC (Shitty Movie Awareness Club) time again! And this month, I have both Nugs from That Ain't Kosher and Risha from You Can Read Me Anything at my place (rawr). Dirty comments aside, they are collaborated to post a little something-something for one of favorite bloggers. This one's for you Shels.

I (and Dom) WROTE SOMETHING!

So I know as well as you do that it has been sometime since I have posted something. But have no fear, as I have finally got around to typing up a post for your reading pleasure. The premise of this post was basically this; Dom, from Lije's Mindstate, and I were on 20sb chat one night and listening to some complaints from other male bloggers (there are not that many on 20sb to tell you the truth :P) about their interactions with females. We had plenty of things to say and strong opinions to express so after a few lines we decided to collaborate on an advice post. 


This is a post that goes out to awkward, shy guys everywhere. And the good-looking girls that have to put up with their fumbling, somewhat clumsy attempts at sweeping them off their feet. This is only Chapter One so we will be soon be back with more guy counseling in regards to the ladies.

Time for a Lil' Scaryoke

It is the summertime and most people are on vacation, so the blogs have been suffering from lack of posting. Mine is included in that group but not for long. Fortunately, I have a big list of things-to-do for the next posts, so you readers will have plenty to browse through on your work days or your beach days. 


First off, the regular Karaoke Blog Ring of Death is on a sort of hiatus. Never fear however because a group of bloggers on Twitter decided to band together and produce a new karaoke blog ring. We call it Scaryoke. Why is it named thus? Simple - other people take care of the song selection that you are going to perform. And that shit's scary people. No excuses, no preferences, just the song that your fellow blogger lined up for you to paste your face on the interwebs. It makes for funny and twisted covers of songs we don't know or even like. 


I had great fun recording my cover of "Mamas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys" by Waylon Jennings and Willie Nelson. This song was given to me by Kandace from One Red Wall, when I think she knew that country wasn't my cup of tea :P. As for my choice, I had to give a song to Jes from Jes Getting Started. I knew she had performed tons of fast-paced and pop radio songs, so I wanted her to go back and revisit a classic. And since I remembered that she had colored glasses, it was an easy choice from there. For a slow, sentimental song that holds a significant amount of "flair" (is that the right word?) I chose Your Song by Elton John. And guess what? Jes delivered folks. Here is her performance for you to appreciate. Leave her some love down below and go over to Kandace's blog to let me know what you thought of my country debut.

Scaryoke from Jes Getting Started on Vimeo.

Cage-d In (The April Bad Movie Review)

April is a month for Easter, bunnies, and Nicholas Cage.
...wait, what? 


You heard me right. 


The Bad Movie Review Blog Ring (we don't have a creative name yet, please advise) decided to go this month with a man whose name instantly sends shudders into many a movie goer. To be sure, Mr. Cage has had his moments (Leaving Las Vegas, anyone?) and there is no doubt in my mind that he can, in fact, act. Yet somehow he always manages to choose the limping pony in the horse race that is the Hollywood movie industry. And now I present to you, the fantastic, uh-mazing, "is it really her??" blogger known as Ginny from Ginntastic who has some great things to say about Nicholas and his movies. Enjoy:

Man, I should have done this a while ago.  But here is my awful Nic Cage movie review.

There are so many bad Nicholas Cage movies it was hard to choose just one.  I decided to watch a movie that I'd never seen before.  The Bad Lieutenant:  Port of Call - New Orleans.  God, even the title is bad!

The movie starts off bad right out of the gate.  Here are a few of my notes taken in the first five minutes of the movie:

Holy receding hairline!

"Fuck Duffy!!!"

Is that Val Kilmer?  Oh my that totally is.

Seriously Nic Cage's hairline is freaking me out.

enjoy this sexy photo folks.

The first five minutes of the movie has some of the worst dialogue I've ever heard in a movie. There was some awful line about someone being a turd but all I wrote down was "turd?".   It doesn't get much better as the movie goes on.

So from what I can tell this movie is about how Nicholas Cage is a giant asshole who happens to be a cop.  He's a drug addict and all around crazy person.  He's bribing people, dating a hooker, snorting coke, robbing couples of their drugs oh and let's not forget the most uncomfortable sex scene of all time.  Nicholas Cage wants some drugs from this couple and the woman and him smoke from a pipe and then have sex right there in front of her dude while Nicholas Cages yells out sexy talk like "you're daddy molested you when you were a child didn't he".  As some point he shoots off his gun and demands the boyfriend watch.  Seriously, one of the most fucked up sex scenes I have ever seen in a movie EVER.  And who would have sex with him when he looks like that!  He is not looking good in this movie at all.

I fast forwarded through a good chunks of this movie.  It was just so boring and awful.  I stopped at one point when Fairuza Balk shows up.  I love her.  Where has she been?  Fast forward some more and land on this gem of dialogue "I'll kill all of you.  To the break of dawn.  To the break of dawn baby!!"  Ugh this is awful!!

I know there was some fighting over drugs and people getting killed but otherwise I don't really know what is going on in this movie.  I fast forwarded to the end where Nic Cage is sitting on the floor in an aquarium having a chat with some other guy.  That's it.  The end!  What a waste of time!

I tried, I really tried to make it through without fast forwarding but I couldn't do it!  I thought the Wicker Man was bad, but no.  This was worse.  I at least made it to the end of the Wicker Man.


If you want to hear my thoughts on Knowing, then head on over to one of my favorite (and bad-ass) bloggers out there, Tsa from The Tsaritsa Sez. 

Stopping the World (Bloggerstock March)

This is my first month on Bloggerstock, aka to me as a shining diamond among the dozens of blog rings out there in the blogosphere. I am truly honored to join in writing with this group of talented and passionate bloggers. If you check out the founders on their site, I think you'd agree with my assessment of their abilities as well. For the month of March, the theme was "Stop the World, I want to get on/off!". 

Much to my delight, I get to host the lovely Kris from Because or Why Not. She is part of the Bloggerstock founding group (read: awesome) and a great blogger to boot. Here is her post. If you'd like to read up on my own on this topic, I am over on Dom's blog - Lije's Mindstate. So without further interruption, here's Kris:

I think I'm the minority but I've always been glad life doesn't come equipped with a fast forward or rewind buttons.  If I had access to these options I would abuse the crap out of them.  I'd probably still be nine years old just reliving a few of those years over and over.  Blithely skipping, of course, the times I cried over my math or wasn't allowed to go play with friends.  That's pretty much what life was like at nine.  Then there would be the temptation of fast forwarding before making even the most minor of decisions.  Or skipping out on all the "character building" moments in life.  C'mon, you know you'd do the same.

But a pause button...  A pause button is a concept I can get behind.  I don't see much evil that could be accomplished through being allowed to stop my world.  It would just give me the option of accomplishing so much more in a short amount of time.  Like writing this post, for example.  I could push pause, cook dinner, type this out, maybe have a nap, and still be fresh to go out this evening.  Yeah, I'm all over that.

Or maybe I could use it to stretch out the good times.  Good company?  Pause that.  Enjoy the conversation for hours and still be in bed by midnight.  Awesome fresh chocolate chip cookies?  Just hit pause and be eating them as long as you like, all for 100 calories.

In short, I could use more time.  More time to live life like I want to live it.  More time to sort out all the things that overload me all at once.  A chance to accomplish everything I know I could and still be lazy.  Time to snowboard every weekend and make my occasional work-free days stretch for glorious eternity.

Yes, a pause button is an idea I wouldn't mind.

__________________________________

Kris has done many things, but very few of them permanently.  A bit of a commitment-phobe she now records many of her musings over at Because or Why Not, something she has stuck by remarkably well.    Currently she's just a small-town girl with a lust for adventure.  It would seem that's, ultimately, her lot in life.

Pour a Shot of Blog, Chase with Some Singing (KBROD March)

It is that magical time of the month again, and this event has nothing to do with being baby-free. The Karaoke Blog Ring of Death reforms once again to bring you a fresh selection of songs and bloggers, with absolutely no tampon required. March's theme is alcohol and the implications brought on by such drinks in celebration of St. Patty's Day and March Madness. As if each blogger's crazy antics weren't enough, we are going to add booze to the mix. Our viewers have asked for more, and by Elvis's ghost and Michael Jackson's zombie (too soon?), everyone has delivered. One person in particular. That would be the gnarly bitchin' Ginny from Ginntastic. I would suggest that readers should pace themselves, and not take too much too quickly but I realize...what is the fun in that? Chug it down folks, and enjoy Ginny's performance in the KaraokeSphere. Here's Ginny:


Hello Rio's lovely readers.  I'm back for karaoke again.  I planned on singing a different song but things happened (ok wine happened) and the plans changed.  I'm sure you all know this song and it mentions drinking so it totally counts.

Thanks for hosting Rio!

Keep on drink'n on my fine karaoke singing friends.







You say you want more? I hope you have a high tolerance (had to make that pun in here somewhere) so you can watch my vids. Head on over to Lorn's blog Czech You Later to see my alcohol-loving karaoke. 

Quack! Quack! Quack! The March Movie Review

For March, the Bad Movie Blog Ring has decided to tackle some sports movies. I have the absolute pleasure of getting to host the lovely and always hilarious Coyote Rose from Dancing on the Bar of Life. She is sassy, she is nerdy, and most of all she is a riot. Her movie this month was the classic and unforgettable The Mighty Ducks. Oh those Ducks, with Emilio Estevez/Coach Gordon Bombay and the lovable crew of misfits and juvenile delinquents. So read on and enjoy some Rose in your blog life. My review, soon to be up I hope, is going to be on my rap partner and hit producer Tsa over at The Tsarita Sez. Move on over to her awesome blog and ch-ch-check it out.

So welcome to this months edition of Sucky Movies Anonymous, because its March and March Madness is just around the corner, we opted to do sports movies this month. I felt it was only necessary to do the Might Ducks Trilogy.


Listen, don't get me wrong. I happen to love the Might Ducks films. I own two of the three of them, and they are totally my guilty pleasure sports movie. I mean who doesn't love when those adorable little tykes quack at their teacher, but in retrospect the movies are retarded.


Honestly, a hot-shot lawyer gets arrested for drunk driving and sentence to community service as a hockey coach. Lets count the number of things wrong with this:

1. A laywer getting caught drunk driving once would absolutely be able to get himself out of the charges
2. It only being his first offense (as far as i remember) would only get his license taken away for a year, under no circumstances would he be giving community service.
3. I'm pretty sure those parents would be a little pissed off that their children are being coached by a jack-ass lawyer who breaks the law

 So after the initial run ins with the kids hating him and the coach not wanting to be there, the coach has a change of heart because he loves the game as a kid (how fucking convenient) and has a run in with an old friend who just so happens to run a hockey supply shop (seriously, plot writers?) The lawyer then gets his boss to fund the team, they change the team name to the ducks (how menacing) and the the team gets really good in the matter of like 3 minutes. Oh and then the lawyer loses his job by being a good hockey coach, because who in their right mind is going to give up a lucrative job to coach a pee-wee hockey team? By sheer luck the hockey team make it to the championship game against their rivals and the lawyers douchebag ex-hockey coach. Take wild guesses on which team won?


Of course the ducks did, because they made a sequel. The former-laywer is now a hockey player in the NHL (having left for the minor leagues at the end of the last movie) but he gets his knee blown out and is forced back home.  His old friend manages to finagle the former-laywer as job as the coach of the Hockey team for the Jr. Goodwill games, so he rounds up his old ducks and heads to California. They arrive there and meet a few new players that will be joining their team. The team does well initially but then the former-lawyer turns into a douchebag and the kids all hate him and blah blah blah boring standard kids-sports movie cliche shit. The hockey team then goes out and plays street hockey and gets a renewed love for it. The former-lawyer un-douchebags himself and the team goes on to win the Jr. Goodwill games.


We won't even discuss the 3rd mighty ducks film because it was such a travesty.


The only thing that saves the Might Ducks films from being a total sports movie cliche, is that the acting isn't totally awful. Emilio Estevez (the less druggie-insane of the Sheen-Estevez brothers) plays the lawyer turned coach and a very young cherubic Joshua Jackson (of Dawson's Creek and Fringe fame) plays the lead hockey kid in the movie. Kenan Thompson of All That and SNL fame shows up in the second movie in the perfect goofy part for him. A few of the site gags are pretty humorous to watch, but in general this is the worst kind of recycled movie crap. I suggest watching it next Sunday if you have the time.

Let's Put Some Kiwi (Karaoke) In You - KBROD March

This February, month of couples and singletons alike, we at the Karaoke Blog Ring of Death have brought you a special treat. Not only have we gained tons of new members for you to check out and fantasize over, but we had a double theme. In recognition of St. Valentine's day and all that love/romance mess, this month's theme was Love versus Anti-love Songs. Got you all excited down in the pants doesn't it?

To make things even better, because indeed it can get even better, I get to host Neal/Lost from You Know What Really Grinds My Gears...! Of course, of course, I realize the obvious. Yes, he is a Kiwi (from New Zealand), yes he has that accent and I know all you girls are secretly touching yourself when he sings. Or openly, whatever floats your boat and feeds your goat. I must admit that I am a tad bit jealous but he is my bro, so therefore I will be a supportive wingman. I will tell you that  he is sex-ay, has god-like powers in the sack, and there is definitely enough of him to go around for every blogging female. 

Here is his video, singing If You are Into It by The Flight of the Conchords. A great artist choice and a fun rendition, that's what this karaoke ring is all about. You should savor this moment, because it's his last month for a while. Give a good farewell folks, and comment down below! 



Care to see my videos? Really? Well then, you can go over to Lana's (Nuggles's) blog at That Ain't Kosher. Let me know what you thought of my attempts at stardom haha :P 

Breaking my Eyes, but Not Any Hearts - The February Movie Review Blog Swap

I signed up to do this whole "blog swap" thing again and this time it was to do movie reviews. This month's is bad romantic comedies, so I was like "why the fuck not?". One important thing to note: this is my first swap partner that actually got me their stuff! I had enlisted in two other so-called swaps, but I missed out on my partner the previous times. This is why I am pleased to introduce my new favorite person of the day...Christina.


She is a truly bad-ass chick so check out her blog, stick it to your Reader, and pay attention to what she has to say because it might save your eyes people! Without further ado, I present to you, Christina's Wonderland:


Hi. I may and/or may not be Christina Harper (from Christina In Wonderland's) ID, EGO, or SUPEREGO. Either way, does it really matter? I'm here from my wonderfully awkward and insane blog, that I've been neglecting recently. Well, not neglecting. I'm taking time off to pursue other endeavors, which is code word for "college is sucking my mental juice" and by "mental juice" I mean, well, you know what I mean. Or something. Where was I going with this introduction? Oh yeah, if you want to sift through random nonsense, please, go take a look at my blog. It isn't much at the moment, negligence and all, but I swear, within the next week or so I'm going to renovate it and get my creative mojo back. MUAHAHAHA! That being said, on to my review.

-----------------

p.s i (fucking) love you

So, I kind of cheated when I did this. I Googled "shitty romantic comedies" and looked at a lot of lists. Mostly because I really don't WATCH romantic comedies, or romantic movies at all. The last romantic movie I watched was, well, if you want to count Fight Club as aromantic movie, then go for it.


Anyway, the way in which I cheated was that I saw this movie on someone's list and freaked the fuck out. Like, I literally flipped a biscuit... off the desk... where I was eating. And I'm Southern so we take our biscuits VERY seriously. *ahem* Whatever. That was a mild rant. P.S. I Love You is by no means an AMAZING movie, but worst romantic movie of all time, or one of them? Dear person on the internet you must not understand that Hilary Swank and Gerard Butler make any movie tolerable at least, and the fact that they are BOTH in this movie, well, your argument is just invalid.


I watched this movie. I really, really liked this movie. Albeit, there were certain things about it that bugged me. I guess I'll start with those. First of all, there was Harry Connick, Jr. who just has only ever impressed me in ONE movie throughout his entire career, and that wasHope Floats. And I didn't even like him in that movie, so maybe I just hate him and he makes every movie he has ever been in worse just because there he is... so, yes, he and his shitty acting were an undeniable flaw in the casting.


Maybe he was the only thing I really didn't like about the movie. Because most everything else was pretty par for the course. Well, and Kathy Bates... how I do worship that woman, but something about her character threw me off. I mean, no mother is that unsupportive of her daughter. But even then I still kind of get it at the end. Ugh. I'm so wishy-washy and indecisive in this review. Is that bad?


Moving on, to the reasons why I think this movie isn't nearly as shitty as everyone and their cracked out Grammymaw seem to make it. First of all, Hilary Swank always gives a good performance, I don't even care what you say. The fact that she was playing a woman who's husband dies, and she's getting these tiny pieces of her husband from beyond the grave, and she's trying to move on and learn to deal, well, Swank pulls that off. If she's "bland" it's because the character is probably personally numb from all that's happened, and because her friends are all kind of bitches.


And I literally cried near the ending, okay? I swear to whatever God there may or may not be that I bawled my baby back bitch eyes out and I KID YOU NOT THAT WAS A REALLY, REALLY GOOD MOVIE! It's one of  those movies that the ending doesn't even matter, it's the destination that's the real deal. So, even if you aren't pleased with the ending or whatever, enjoy the ride, man... or (wo)man. Don't want to leave people out. Lack of androgynous pronouns leaves the world a sad place, you know?


Okay... am I done here? Have I given you enough of a shitty post that I can go crawl back into my Earth Cave and die a slow, Tumblr-related death?


Seriously folks, I have nothing else to say. We're at the end credits now and you're refusing to leave the theater. What is WRONG wichu? Drop the popcorn in the trash receptacles and go have sex. Or if you're underage, go have frozen yogurt. Frozen yogurt is good...


And this has been a public service announcement from Christina In Wonderland. Thank you for tuning in.

Was that good or what? Very informative and hilariously accurate on the bashing, I *like* this review. If you want to read my honest opinion on the The Ugly Truth starring Gerard Butler and Katherine Heigl, then move on over to McGriddle Pant's (awesome name right?) blog Serenity Now! Insanity Later. Tune in next month for more couch movie criticisms.