Tuesday, March 15, 2011

You Can Touch But You Can't Taste (Part One)

I have a strange sensation every time I try to write a story that is has a sexual foundation. Plainly speaking, I just can't find the words to write it down. Where to start? What to include? Even the most basic requirements become mind-boggling...level of detail, renaming people, and even the basic time line of the story. But enough with the excuses, I want to y'all a story involving a girl and I will - writing standards be damned. 

This story begins, as most college ones do, at a kegger. Second month of freshman year, and I was running back and forth all over campus. Every backyard and basement like exactly like the one before, so the location of the party/kegger/get-together was of little importance. All that mattered was that I drink, "socialize", and go home with a good-looking young lady by the end of the night. 

One night, I followed my friend Del to yet another frat party - this one was an outdoor concert featuring a mostly drunk and mostly mediocre up-and-coming student rock band. I left for the bathroom and on my return found Del talking to three girls. One of these girls was her. I took so much time trying to find other names for her, but when I was typing my final selection, a much better fitting name took its place. Her name was Bright Eyes. 

At first glance, I didn't see anything out of the ordinary. Then I got up close to her. Whoa. Just...wow. She was of average height, somewhat curvy, with curly dirty blond hair. But it was her face that stole the show. As her faux name suggests, she had the biggest, brightest, and clearest green eyes I had ever seen. You know how they say you look at someone and fall into their gaze? I felt that but I didn't just fall, I plummeted head-first. To top it off, she had a smile that was both cute and sexy. I know that description fails in so many ways, but I struggle to put what I saw into words. Her smile was both inviting and shy, a good girl and a naughty vixen delicately mixed into one individual. Naturally, I was immediately at attention (not down there, fortunately) and ready to make some conversation. I introduced myself.

Hi, I'm Andres, you can call me Rio though
"Hi Rio. I like that name. I must be special then, to be able to call you that?" (cute grin!)
Not that special, I am just nice every once in a while (makes this face :P)
"Haha. You don't seem like a jerk to me"

Andddd we were off. Words were exchanged and so were smiles. I have completely skipped over my forced personal transformation and my elaborate montage of how I tried to learn how to flirt. Let's just say I was in the beginning stages of my practice. So yes, I was scared shitless of what I could say to her or how I should say it. Thankfully, cheap beer and a frightful concoction of so-called "jungle juice" does wonders for human interaction, particularly with attractive females. I wondered if I was doing well. Then I got some confirmation to that question.

"Hey, do you want me to get you a drink?"
Oh! Sure, I mean if that isn't much of a problem...
"They give jungle juice quicker to girls so I'll just grab two and bring them back for us!"

I was, to be cliche, over the moon. One of the cardinal rules of flirting that had been hammered into my head was this: if she does something, anything, that requires her going out of her way to do, she is into you. YES. She was getting ME a drink. Who said the guy had to go suffer through the long lines and plead with the frat brother tending the bar to hand over two drinks? Plus, she had just asked me! There was no concern for my friend or her two friends, just a clear obvious focus on yours truly. But then Del leaned over to get in a word.

"Dude, what are you doing?"
"I was talking to her before you arrived, you are totally cockblocking me man. Not cool."

(mental record stops - rrreeewwwrrrrtt)

Wait, really? Had he been talking to her? I mean, I thought he was focusing his attention on the other two friends, who weren't bad looking themselves either. It was time for a decision, the girl or the friend. Del had been the very first guy that I had met moving in. He was the first one to join me in finding parties and also the first one to send me a 3am "where the fuck are you? get over to this party" text. He was a bro, one of the best.

Should I leave her? But...what if Del gets with her? Doesn't that mean I can't later on? I was confused and bewildered but I made up my mind right then. I liked Del as my friend and I want to keep being friends. And no girl was going to get between that - which was what I thought at that moment. I wanted close friends and this wasn't the moment to be letting them go.

Ok, fine. You talk to her. I'll try to hit on one of her friends
"We cool man? I am just saying, I don't mean anything by it.."
Yea we are cool, "bros over hoes" right?
"For sure, you're the man"

With this tag team switch I immediately blocked any further thoughts of interacting with Bright. She came back with our drinks and I thanked her for her efforts. Taking my drink in hand, I turned to attempt to chat with her friends. She made a few attempts to come into the conversation, but then gave up to focus more on whatever Del was trying to say. I found that her friend SR (which is short for Spanish Russian :D) was very cute and friendly, the bubbly type of girl one finds most often among the freshman class. Pretty soon, the party got broken up and our group of five went in search of greener pastures of partying. 

Walking around, we eventually found the "baseball house" the place, where I may assume, that the college baseball team lived off-campus and frequently threw parties. The house was dark, noisy, and most of all - swarmed with tall athletic looking dudes. This was not looking good for Del and I. Freshmen guys tend to have to fight an uphill battle to get laid, and more so here in the sports team environment. These guys were built, it was their house, and they were all upperclassmen so it seemed very likely that the girls had more options on the table than we did. Multiplying our efforts, we attempted to be every bit witty, sarcastic, amusing, and overall attractive to the girls. 

Bright: "My friend and I have to go to the bathroom, wait for us okay?"
Del: "Cool, we'll wait"

And wait we did. 10 minutes...20 minutes...half an hour...how long did these girls need to go to the bathroom? Del attempted to climb the stairs to the 2nd floor where they had gone to the bathroom, only to be blocked by a much bigger and much drunker baseball team resident. SR tried texting her friends over and over again, but to no avail. Del refused to give up. But SR was getting sleepy and she insisted that she wanted to go home. I volunteered to walk her back to her dorm, and Del insisted that he would wait for Bright and the third friend. I didn't know if sex or concern was motivating him (probably a combination of both) but I told him to keep me in the loop if he were to run into any problems. 

I dropped SR off at her dorm, which got me a kiss on the cheek and a "you are very sweet". Not a very successful night but I shrugged it off. I texted Del to check on the status. Status - he was still waiting. I chalked one point up for Team "Girls that Run Away from Funny Cool Guys to Hook Up with Athletic Jocks" and told him good night. 

Yet, as you may guess from the blog post's title, this was not the last time I would see Bright. In fact, it would not be the last time Del would have a pivotal role in my pursuits for her. I will continue the rest of the story soon enough.