Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Quack! Quack! Quack! The March Movie Review

For March, the Bad Movie Blog Ring has decided to tackle some sports movies. I have the absolute pleasure of getting to host the lovely and always hilarious Coyote Rose from Dancing on the Bar of Life. She is sassy, she is nerdy, and most of all she is a riot. Her movie this month was the classic and unforgettable The Mighty Ducks. Oh those Ducks, with Emilio Estevez/Coach Gordon Bombay and the lovable crew of misfits and juvenile delinquents. So read on and enjoy some Rose in your blog life. My review, soon to be up I hope, is going to be on my rap partner and hit producer Tsa over at The Tsarita Sez. Move on over to her awesome blog and ch-ch-check it out.

So welcome to this months edition of Sucky Movies Anonymous, because its March and March Madness is just around the corner, we opted to do sports movies this month. I felt it was only necessary to do the Might Ducks Trilogy.

Listen, don't get me wrong. I happen to love the Might Ducks films. I own two of the three of them, and they are totally my guilty pleasure sports movie. I mean who doesn't love when those adorable little tykes quack at their teacher, but in retrospect the movies are retarded.

Honestly, a hot-shot lawyer gets arrested for drunk driving and sentence to community service as a hockey coach. Lets count the number of things wrong with this:
  1. A laywer getting caught drunk driving once would absolutely be able to get himself out of the charges
  2. It only being his first offense (as far as i remember) would only get his license taken away for a year, under no circumstances would he be giving community service.
  3. I'm pretty sure those parents would be a little pissed off that their children are being coached by a jack-ass lawyer who breaks the law
 So after the initial run ins with the kids hating him and the coach not wanting to be there, the coach has a change of heart because he loves the game as a kid (how fucking convenient) and has a run in with an old friend who just so happens to run a hockey supply shop (seriously, plot writers?) The lawyer then gets his boss to fund the team, they change the team name to the ducks (how menacing) and the the team gets really good in the matter of like 3 minutes. Oh and then the lawyer loses his job by being a good hockey coach, because who in their right mind is going to give up a lucrative job to coach a pee-wee hockey team? By sheer luck the hockey team make it to the championship game against their rivals and the lawyers douchebag ex-hockey coach. Take wild guesses on which team won?

Of course the ducks did, because they made a sequel. The former-laywer is now a hockey player in the NHL (having left for the minor leagues at the end of the last movie) but he gets his knee blown out and is forced back home.  His old friend manages to finagle the former-laywer as job as the coach of the Hockey team for the Jr. Goodwill games, so he rounds up his old ducks and heads to California. They arrive there and meet a few new players that will be joining their team. The team does well initially but then the former-lawyer turns into a douchebag and the kids all hate him and blah blah blah boring standard kids-sports movie cliche shit. The hockey team then goes out and plays street hockey and gets a renewed love for it. The former-lawyer un-douchebags himself and the team goes on to win the Jr. Goodwill games.

We won't even discuss the 3rd mighty ducks film because it was such a travesty.

The only thing that saves the Might Ducks films from being a total sports movie cliche, is that the acting isn't totally awful. Emilio Estevez (the less druggie-insane of the Sheen-Estevez brothers) plays the lawyer turned coach and a very young cherubic Joshua Jackson (of Dawson's Creek and Fringe fame) plays the lead hockey kid in the movie. Kenan Thompson of All That and SNL fame shows up in the second movie in the perfect goofy part for him. A few of the site gags are pretty humorous to watch, but in general this is the worst kind of recycled movie crap. I suggest watching it next Sunday if you have the time.