Monday, December 13, 2010

Hello I Think You're Hot, Won't You Tell Me Your Name?

Dear Sexy Senorita,

Hello, how are you? I am good myself thanks. You might know me as the guy who passes you on Mondays and Tuesdays. Dark hair? Dreamy eyes? Dashing smile? No? Okay then, I'll explain. As I walk to my last class on Tuesday afternoon, we cross paths behind the Art Museum. Every Monday, I go to my review session at 1 and you have class (I'm assuming it is a class) in the same hall at that same time.

The first time we crossed paths and locked eyes, you caught my attention. You are, in a word, hot. Not in the temperature, "are you sick?" sense, but in the way that I want to spell the word h-a-w-t. Now a whole semester has passed, and we have passed each other a number of times. My visual opinion of you has not changed. I think 5 out of 5 dentists would agree with me that you are very attractive.

You are usually wearing some article of clothing related to the fact that you are in a sorority and not to enforce certain stereotypes, I am not surprised you are in one. You carry yourself with the air of one that knows she is control, in demand, and on top.
I know you might be wondering why I am writing this letter to you. No, this is not one of those creepy "I'm obsessed with you" kind of letters, but rather it is an explanation to both you and myself. You see, I am sure we could have plenty to talk about. So you are saying to yourself, "why didn't he come up, say hi, and introduce himself?".

The simple honest truth is that I am too busy. I am too concerned with other things not relating to females, dating, or sex. Surprising I know, considering I just admitted to the whole internet that I want to be on top of you. Or in any position really, I have an open mind and enjoy trying out new things in the bedroom. This would certainly have not been the case one year ago.

Back then, I would have dropped everything and strolled over with a smile and a twinkle in my eye. Do you like a guy that listens to you, teases you, takes you out to dinner? A singer and guy that knows how strut his stuff on the dance floor? That's what I thought. I would have charmed you into my bed and out of those panties before the words "can I come over?" would have been out of your mouth. And I know that you probably had lots of guys brag about how they would rock your world, but they wouldn't have held a candle to the night we would have spent. The kissing, the touching, the pleasure filled moaning would fill the room as our bodies collide, our embraces tighten, and our passion explodes into not one, but multiple orgasms. Once you were back in your own room, you would remember and relive the memories, leaving you breathless and delighted.

While this all sounds incredible, we probably are better off the way things are now. I am not that guy anymore. My passion is real and my skills are still intact, but my desires for life are different. I am looking beyond the one-night stand or the occasional hookup buddy. I am looking for success, for glory, for that personal satisfaction that comes from a man that runs his life, owns his world, and demands what he is worth. So yes, I am looking for a relationship before my next sexual adventure. I am not denying the possibility of future hookups or one-night stands, but I am sure that the next time I get naked with a woman it won't be the last time and I will feel something in my heart for her.

But anyone in college can tell you that there is so much to do and so little time. I take a full engineering course load, I work, and I commute back and forth from home. My mind is generally full of phasors, Butterworth low-pass filters, and turbine entropy generation, not on how I would delight you with my tongue. I worry greatly about Matlab, the GRE, and how to calculate the fourier transforms of my signals, and oh so very little on foreplay. Should you get to know me, and get to like me, you would not get the full me. You would be buying yourself a one-way ticket to Sexually Frustrated and I would be doing myself a huge disservice by not giving you all the attention you merit. Maybe there are ways to balance my academic life with your loving, but my coordination is fragile. I am holding it all together; my jobs, my classes, and my family obligations on a single thread where one bad day seems to throw my life completely off track. In the near future, my love will be available again, but for now, it is out of stock. So while you might be Miss Right, unfortunately you can't be Miss Right Now.

You might say if I won't hook up with you, or date you, maybe we could be friends? Maybe, but not likely. This whole letter is based on a large assumption of your personality. Maybe I wouldn't be able to stand you, and maybe you wouldn't be able to relate to me. It happens. And even if our personalities meshed, I am not a fan of having a girl you have the hots for as a close friend. It is a recipe for disaster. If you are not busy being jealous, then you are trying to separate your sincere friendship from your lustful thoughts. Careful with those Freudian slips, because they reveal the real reason you are always hanging out in her room. With your kind of hotness, caution is not only recommended but necessary.

That's leaves us back to where we started. You and I walk by each together, match stares, and smile. Two strangers on different paths for the time being. Maybe next time I'll throw in a "Hi" for you. Maybe. I hope you have a nice class and a good Christmas break. If we ever run into each other in the future, I know things will be different. Until then, you'll just have have to do with less-than-spectacular sex and guys that are close to, but still aren't, me.

With well-meaning but somewhat dirty wishes,

A shout-out to my first 4 followers, thanks so much for your support! Much love to Penny Lane, Andy, Dominick Mills, and ryepdx.

1 comment:

  1. hahahahaha. Dude you're awesome I can't stop laughing! Thanks for sharing.



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