Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Lately there has been a discussion about guy and girl bloggers, and which gender is more followed. Not surprisingly, nearly everyone has agreed that girls are on top, and that their blogs are much more popular than your typical guy blog. So we, as males, have not necessarily been feeling the love. Some common complaints were that guy content was so-called boring and unfamiliar. This then made me think about various “manly” topics up in my head, and I decide to write (type) down a few of these testosterone-bathed ideas. These are some manly things for you to think about:
Unavoidable, obviously. Penis. Vagina. Sex. Lots of it. If there were a day that, I could claim, that this subject doesn't cross my mind, I am blatantly undeniably lying. Of course, this topic covers a wide variety of conversations. You could talk about porn, whacking it, blowing it, sucking it, etc., etc., but most of all, it is the fact that you had sex. And the hilarity and unbelievable events that lead up to, occur during, and after the act itself, like when the Danaconda gets some. I think the Lonely Island and Akon put it very well also. Even if there is a paper bag involved, it still counts!
Meat, meat, meat, meat, me-me-meat. Carnivores, unite, and bring your beef, pork, veal, turkey, partridge, and chicken over to my home. Vegetarians, respect and love, but I can't live without my piece of marinated, broiled, grilled, or barbecued piece of deliciousness. I'm so so sorry animal-loving guys and girls.(Not really, but I feel nice for once) Its not easy being a Grill Master either, you have to learn the secrets of the meat arts, creating the sauce to marinate in, choosing the right grill, and of course, how to perform the cuts. Now, I am not saying you have to eat meat to be friends with me, but damn it sure does help our relationship.
T or A
Ah yes, the eternal debate started from the beginning of mankind. Coke or Pepsi? IPhone or Blackberry? Tits or ass? How to decide...how to delegate a superior importance to one part of the female anatomy? On the one hand, the girls are hard to ignore since your eyes are magnetically being pulled down to the chest area of her figure. Pick your head up dude, you are kind of obvious, and close your mouth. Jeez. On the other, did you just see her walk by in those tight jeans? By all things that are holy in this world, how does it get so big? And round? And bouncy? Put that thing away please, I can't focus on my driving/flying/operating heavy machinery. I'm going to presume that everyone from the Mesopotamians up to the Romans put their finest philosophers on this discussion and even they could only come up with what is now the Hot or Not websites.
FOOTTBBALLLLLLL. BASEBALLLLL. BASKETBALLLL. SOCCERRRR (fútbol) Among other stuff typically in a guy's mind is "how is the game going?" and "I wonder what the score is". Now, I have never considered myself a guy's guy, but more like a nerdy guy's guy. The nerdy guy who knows about technology, science, video games, and not so much on the sports side of things. Yet, somehow or another, I get sucked into watching and following sports regardless. I am somewhere in between the dude that knows nothing about the rules and asks the annoying questions and the die-hard asshole of a fan that knows all the names, the scores of the games, and the 100+ years of history that the team has. So maybe according to "sports fans" out there, I am not true fan yet, but I want to spare myself the effort of learning everything related to one team. This blog does help out though. But I do have my teams. I am a Yankees fan (yes, yes, you can shut up now...haters), a Phillies fan, and a Barcelona fan. I have started liking the Eagles since they picked up Michael Vick and gave him another chance. But that's it though. I have science as my competitive sport. COMPUTERSSSS AND GRAPHING CALCULATORSSS. So fucking intense I tell you.
How do these above mentioned topics compare to your typical "omg he's so cute" post and your "wear this, not this, this season" entry? Clearly, you want to hear me debate some other girl's posterior versus her might-not-be-natural-but-thats-okay chest region. I think you just have to have an open mind. I listen to you talk about your prospects for love, and you hear me talk about how much I love T-bone steak. It's give and take ladies, give and take. In the meantime, of course I will comment on your searches for happiness and make fun of you for trying to write (yet again) about your wardrobe.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Thursday, December 16, 2010
I handed in my last final at 12:30pm today. Feels great, being completely done with all exams, all work, and all that stress for the moment. Now I feel like passing out, but I can't really do that considering I still have my commute home. Sleeping on the wheel sounds appealing but, and I may have heard this, that might not be a good idea. All in all, exams were fine. In one of my easy classes, the professor decided to pull a fast one and give us a conceptually difficult final. Not cool man, not cool, babies be crying because of you. But I won't complain too much, l uh am working for that guy next semester sooooo yeaaa...
Okay well to clear some final thoughts:
- I didn't see hot girl again, oh well (secretly: damn!)
- I have concluded that while girls are, in general, as intelligent as guys are...the girls in my French class take the whole womens-campaign-for-equal-respect thing back to the Middle Ages when you were men's property. Good job girls, hope to see you on Rock of Love Season 432.
- I have finished catching up on some blogs. Man, people are funny and why oh why do I snort when trying to withhold my laughter.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Hello, how are you? I am good myself thanks. You might know me as the guy who passes you on Mondays and Tuesdays. Dark hair? Dreamy eyes? Dashing smile? No? Okay then, I'll explain. As I walk to my last class on Tuesday afternoon, we cross paths behind the Art Museum. Every Monday, I go to my review session at 1 and you have class (I'm assuming it is a class) in the same hall at that same time.
The first time we crossed paths and locked eyes, you caught my attention. You are, in a word, hot. Not in the temperature, "are you sick?" sense, but in the way that I want to spell the word h-a-w-t. Now a whole semester has passed, and we have passed each other a number of times. My visual opinion of you has not changed. I think 5 out of 5 dentists would agree with me that you are very attractive.
You are usually wearing some article of clothing related to the fact that you are in a sorority and not to enforce certain stereotypes, I am not surprised you are in one. You carry yourself with the air of one that knows she is control, in demand, and on top. I know you might be wondering why I am writing this letter to you. No, this is not one of those creepy "I'm obsessed with you" kind of letters, but rather it is an explanation to both you and myself. You see, I am sure we could have plenty to talk about. So you are saying to yourself, "why didn't he come up, say hi, and introduce himself?".
The simple honest truth is that I am too busy. I am too concerned with other things not relating to females, dating, or sex. Surprising I know, considering I just admitted to the whole internet that I want to be on top of you. Or in any position really, I have an open mind and enjoy trying out new things in the bedroom. This would certainly have not been the case one year ago.
Back then, I would have dropped everything and strolled over with a smile and a twinkle in my eye. Do you like a guy that listens to you, teases you, takes you out to dinner? A singer and guy that knows how strut his stuff on the dance floor? That's what I thought. I would have charmed you into my bed and out of those panties before the words "can I come over?" would have been out of your mouth. And I know that you probably had lots of guys brag about how they would rock your world, but they wouldn't have held a candle to the night we would have spent. The kissing, the touching, the pleasure filled moaning would fill the room as our bodies collide, our embraces tighten, and our passion explodes into not one, but multiple orgasms. Once you were back in your own room, you would remember and relive the memories, leaving you breathless and delighted.
While this all sounds incredible, we probably are better off the way things are now. I am not that guy anymore. My passion is real and my skills are still intact, but my desires for life are different. I am looking beyond the one-night stand or the occasional hookup buddy. I am looking for success, for glory, for that personal satisfaction that comes from a man that runs his life, owns his world, and demands what he is worth. So yes, I am looking for a relationship before my next sexual adventure. I am not denying the possibility of future hookups or one-night stands, but I am sure that the next time I get naked with a woman it won't be the last time and I will feel something in my heart for her.
But anyone in college can tell you that there is so much to do and so little time. I take a full engineering course load, I work, and I commute back and forth from home. My mind is generally full of phasors, Butterworth low-pass filters, and turbine entropy generation, not on how I would delight you with my tongue. I worry greatly about Matlab, the GRE, and how to calculate the fourier transforms of my signals, and oh so very little on foreplay. Should you get to know me, and get to like me, you would not get the full me. You would be buying yourself a one-way ticket to Sexually Frustrated and I would be doing myself a huge disservice by not giving you all the attention you merit. Maybe there are ways to balance my academic life with your loving, but my coordination is fragile. I am holding it all together; my jobs, my classes, and my family obligations on a single thread where one bad day seems to throw my life completely off track. In the near future, my love will be available again, but for now, it is out of stock. So while you might be Miss Right, unfortunately you can't be Miss Right Now.
You might say if I won't hook up with you, or date you, maybe we could be friends? Maybe, but not likely. This whole letter is based on a large assumption of your personality. Maybe I wouldn't be able to stand you, and maybe you wouldn't be able to relate to me. It happens. And even if our personalities meshed, I am not a fan of having a girl you have the hots for as a close friend. It is a recipe for disaster. If you are not busy being jealous, then you are trying to separate your sincere friendship from your lustful thoughts. Careful with those Freudian slips, because they reveal the real reason you are always hanging out in her room. With your kind of hotness, caution is not only recommended but necessary.
That's leaves us back to where we started. You and I walk by each together, match stares, and smile. Two strangers on different paths for the time being. Maybe next time I'll throw in a "Hi" for you. Maybe. I hope you have a nice class and a good Christmas break. If we ever run into each other in the future, I know things will be different. Until then, you'll just have have to do with less-than-spectacular sex and guys that are close to, but still aren't, me.
With well-meaning but somewhat dirty wishes,
A shout-out to my first 4 followers, thanks so much for your support! Much love to Penny Lane, Andy, Dominick Mills, and ryepdx.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Thursday, December 9, 2010
The bad news - MY HEADPHONES ARE BROKEN. AGAIN. Ugh, my IPod is lonely. All ready with my music and no headphones. Note to random people working around me: you leave your IPod unattended, I'ma swipe yo' headphone. No lie.
But seriously, these headphones were dirt cheap to begin with and lasted barely a year and a half. I would love some high-quality (high-maintenance?) headphones from Bose or SkullCandy, but the money necessary is being allocated to other needs like Christmas gifts or food or most important of all - gas. The mechanical engineers of the world better be hurrying up with that solar powered car because I will the first one in line to get one. The resulting money saved would then be used on getting more (legal :P) music and some headphones with mind-blowing sound quality. Like these:
These babies are the Sennheiser HD800, also known as the best headphones in the world. Valued at a scary price of $1400, it has literally the best audio engineering in the world packed into 330 grams. Sennheiser, the German audio technology firm that makes this work of beauty, is looking to patent its curved sonic wave front. To put it another way, their headphones bends the waves in a unified front, allowing you to hear sounds spatially. You can freaking hear music in three, count them three dimensions. I would love to figure out how they were designed and built, but I'm assuming I would first need an internship with them and lot of information clearance for their trade secrets. Oh well, Sennheiser, you know I am a huge fan. Other headphones of interest would be the Bose QuietComfort 15 with is noise canceling, so you can fully focus on the beats at hand, and the Skull Candy G.I. Black, which looks extremely bad-ass.
I know that analyzing an accessory such as headphones may seem kind of crazy. Actually, it is totally crazy and I know it but we each have our fascinations. I have realized that since I enjoy listening to music so much, I have inevitably grown more interested in learning about audio systems and technology. Speakers, amps, headphones, and sound cards are the gadgets we use to hear our favorite songs and recordings. The better quality they are, the more powerful the music will be. And now I will have to go study for my finals and finish my project report...in silence. Correction - all in the annoying noises of the other people in this computer lab.