So I have finished all my homework assignments and my semester project which had been a huge stress creator for me. My first exams are on Tuesday and I'm sure I'm going to get on some studying fo' sure soon. But at this point, I'm taking a self-reflective look on my life. In many ways it is not up to expectations, the dreams I had of my 21-year old self at 16. I'm back at home, I don't an independent life and my artistic dreams are still in baby stages. But on the other hand, I force myself to be realistic and face some truths. Most if not all of the drawbacks were my fault, my fault for trying to deceive myself that I could live life without committing to anything.
There are many highlights though! I work, and work hard for my grades now. I'm proud of my work and study. I feel like my brain is waking up, stretching, and going on the run it has been postponing everyday for the past 4 years. I get along with my professors and though I am working on the whole friendship thing, my anxieties, and anger, I have definitely met some friendly faces out there. Nicceee. From where I was a year ago to now, I have transformed and formed a new individual. Better, faster, stronger, Kayne start rapping...now.
The song I had in mind was "Beautiful Day" by U2. It is an amazing song in itself and I enjoy hearing it occasionally. But a few days ago I listened it and the lyrics seem to pop right out at me, literally and figuratively. It brought into mind all the times I woke up at 5am to commute early to get a parking spot, all the times I walked in cold scared to run into people I knew, and the insecurity that accompanies a person trying to get back on the horse of life.
"The heart is a bloom
Shoot up through the stony ground"
- I personally feel like my heart/soul/life-force will be whole once more someday. I just got to keep positive about it and keeping working my ass off. Am I right? I am so right.
"The traffic is stuck
And you are moving anywhere"
-I literally get stuck in traffic at least 3 times a week. I get angry when people cut me off and I stress out about getting rear-ended or side-swiped by a distracted driver. Not a fun time in my day
"You love this town
even if this doesn't ring true"
-I loathe the campus. I particularly enjoy the subzero temperatures and wind chill factor that leave me paralyzed and, in my mind, practically frostbitten in place that shouldn't be chilled for any period of time. Yet, I love this school because it is giving me a once-in-lifetime chance to change and fulfill my potential. Thank you for that, but I wouldn't mind much if you moved your campus about 2000 miles south.
"Its a beautiful day
Don't let it get away"
- Every day truly is, I know that this is true. I know that we all have the power to decide what the ultimate result of our days are. If I do just one thing better that I did yesterday that will improve my life, whether it is studying, blogging, practicing guitar, singing, or dancing, then my day has been a success. Little by little the days will add up and you create a life of advancements and achievements.
It's a beautiful day because I am done with classes and I am eager to rip through these finals like a little kid on some Christmas gift wrapping. BAM. It is a beautiful weekend because I will blog, record a cover (of this song), and be more productive than ever before. And it is a beautiful month because we will celebrate Christmas and the New Year, and I know, for a fact, I have earned my way back to the "nice" column on Santa's list. Wait, more like the "nice but still naughty where it counts" list. I just had to do that, I couldn't resist.
...That's what she said.
And before an avalanche of puns hits my blog, I will leave you with the beautiful song for all of your beautiful holiday seasons.